Fat Lenny The Ring-tailed Lemur

It was in a wildlife park in the Cotswolds that I had my biggest revelation about body acceptance. His name was Lenny, and he was the fattest lemur I had ever seen. I am partial to a stroll around wildlife parks and zoos. Modern life is shit, and breaking up the banality of everyday living, is a must to stay sane. What better way than to waddle around a wildlife park and love on some animals?

Lenny was sat sunbathing with the other ring-tailed lemurs. He was exceptionally cute, big round belly, slight double chin, sat soaking up the rays with his fellow regular sized lemur brethren. The lemur keeper was feeding them all, and I noticed how she was placing Lenny's food at a height to try to get him to exercise.

Lenny, being a big fat lemur, was clearly not happy about being made to work harder for his fruit. I felt for Lenny, and I asked the keeper why he was fatter than the others. Her reply: "He's always been fatter than the others, it's just the way he is"

The usual thing we do with fat people is to infer that they are to blame for being fat.

What struck me was how silly it would be to suggest that Lenny the ring-tailed lemur was to blame for his size. That it was his fault because of the usual assumptions, you know the ones: Lazy, greedy, no self discipline, a lack of self control. Those ones. Lenny didn't care that he was an exuberantly juicy lemur, he just wanted his dinner, and he didn't feel guilty about that. Why would he?

Was Lenny less valuable or less beautiful than the other lemurs. No. He was just a fat lemur. Not good or bad. He hadn't chosen to be fat, and he had no reason to be fatter than the others, he just was. The other lemurs didn't treat him any differently, and the zoo keeper didn't fat shame him for being different to the others.

I could see Lenny for what he was. Just a cute fat lemur. I loved him. How could you stigmatise Lenny for being fat? He didn't choose it. None of us do. It just happens. It would be ridiculous to think less of Lenny for being fat, and I realised how truly ridiculous it is that we do that to each other. That we attach immorality and shame on to human bodies for being fat, but we don't use that cruel thought process to animals. We might try and help them be less fat, but we don't blame them. We don't because it's stupid.

Fat Lenny - not an actual photo.

BEING A FAT MINOTAUR THROUGH THE AGES

In many different lifetimes, I think it's fair to say that I have been a big fat bitch.

It's generally not been a problem, there was a lovely 400 year period during the 16th and 20th century where it was considered not only beautiful, but natural to look physically substantial. The glory of a strong meaty body was seen as a huge positive in terms of potentially living for a good amount of time. Also, you were genuinely considered to be gorgeous. No one threw the back-handed compliment about your "pretty face" alone in that era.

Every fat woman in the 21st century has cringed at being called Rubenesque at one time or another, but in the 1600-1700s, the BBW was an object of such beauty, endless paintings were banged out, and we could enjoy our second breakfast in peace.

I had one decadent lifetime in Nigeria when my rich daddy sent me to a fattening hut for 3 years. It was a shame it led to a tedious marriage, and my clitoris being removed, but my goodness we ate well.

Fad diets had sporadically existed in print since the days of Lord Byron. He might be considered one of the great romantic poets now, but in the 1800s, not one eye didn't roll when he walked into a room. A tedious egoist, he would not stop prattling on about his potato and vinegar diet. Old vinegar tits Byron reeked... no wonder the man died in exile in Greece.

THE ERA OF SHAME BEGINS

The overall look of human bodies hasn't changed much through the centuries, but the perception of a "perfect" body changed solidly in the 1920s. Slim, boyish figures were the new thing, and so came in the 1200 calorie a day recommendations, and the cigarette diet. (40 a day, and I was still the biggest broad at the cocktail bar).

So began the era of shame and demonisation of fat. Diet after diet, from cabbage soup, to drinking cayenne pepper to cutting out every single delicious morsel of carbohydrate from your plate. The term "cleanse" became an acceptable metaphor for starvation. What a load of bollocks it all is.

From the 1920s onwards, fashion has seemed to dictate what is aspirational for women's bodies. It seems to have dictated what is acceptable, what is attractive. A whole lot of gay male fashion designers (who prefer the bodies of men) have decided that a curve free body with zero fat and around 5ft 10 upwards is what we're supposed to aspire to be. Being a size 8 or below is what's expected.

The average British woman is 5ft 5ins tall, and a size 16, so who the fuck are they making clothes for? About 1% of women? What the hell is the point of that?

Why in this century are we sold an impossible (for most) idea of body shape? What's in it for us as the customer? What is the idea of "aspirational" about? WHAT DOES IT ALL MEAN?

YOU ARE NOT GOOD ENOUGH

I think it's about making you feel shame. Making you feel like you'll never be good enough. Why aren't we completely rejecting this idea? Why did we fall for it in the first place? It's completely ridiculous. It's used to sell you an endless amount of nonsense that doesn't work. Including fat control underwear. Have you ever tried any of those tight belly button reaching knickers? It doesn't make you look thin, it just makes you feel like an oversized sausage in a tight condom.

150 years ago, they would have found all of this ridiculous, and they (society) would have been correct.

Diet culture is worth a lot of money - £2 billion in the UK alone. THAT is the reason you're told you're not good enough as you are. If you didn't buy that lie, they wouldn't be able to keep profiting from your hunger and reduced self esteem.

Genuine studies of the real results of dieting began in the 2000s, A review of 31 long-term dieting studies showed that most people who go on a diet actually end up fatter. In my experience, making foods taboo and attaching morality to eating sets you up for failure. You destroy your relationship with food, obsess about all those "bad" foods and end up more likely to binge on them. Worst of all, when you do eat freely, you don't allow yourself to enjoy one single bite. It becomes a vicious circle of self hatred and rice crackers.

GROWING UP AS THE MINOTAUR IN 1990s SOUTH LONDON

In this lifetime, I grew up as a teenager in 1990s Croydon. The home of Kate "nothing tastes as good as skinny feels" Moss. It does Kate, it's called delicious food.

The era of "heroin chic". The era of Slim Fast and Weight Watcher groups in musty church halls. Endless weigh-ins hoping to hit those 7lb weight loss goals, hearing hungry women say "I've been bad this week, I ate too many Hobnobs on Wednesday".

I have always been a very sensitive soul, so all the glorious millennia of being happily fat were wiped away from my psyche. I ended up as a 22 stone self hating minotaur. I would starve myself of glorious cheese for months on end, losing a few stone here and there, but ultimately ending up heavier each time.

I tried and punished myself as I was told to do. Trying to be slim as fast food, processed ready meals, and sugar were in their unregulated prime. It was the ultimate Catch 22 (also the name of my favourite chippy). An impossible trap where everything around me was essentially crap, and in the case of ready meals, completely unfulfilling. My mother was a consummate Iceland food shopper, unwilling to cook real food like so many of her Boomer generation. It was a Findus Crispy Pancake or a hybrid baguette/pizza slice, or nothing. She didn't work (being time poor is the main reason that modern society eat for convenience) she just didn't give a shit. Nutritious vegetables and a balanced diet were a long lost memory.

I was mocked at school for being fat. Even Jackie magazine informed me that boys would never date a girl who weighed more than them. As an adult you realise that men (or women or non binary folks) do find the fuller figured extremely attractive, but you're still weighed down with all the messages from your youth. I ended up in a terribly abusive relationship at age 20 because I thought I had to accept anyone (and he really was pathetic) because of my size.

EVEN DOCTORS HATE YOU

Doctors would insult me at what seemed like every turn. When I was 11, my wisdom teeth decided to come through at a funny angle. I couldn't open my mouth without a painful click. After an inspection of my painful jaw, which I now couldn't open fully, I was told by a doctor "At least you can't fit any more Big Macs in there" - AS IF I WAS THE ARBITOR OF MY DIET AT THAT AGE! Prick!

At age 30, after going to the doctor for an ear infection, I was told by a woman doctor in her fifties "You'd be so attractive if you lost weight, you have such a pretty face" - Just like an abusive aunt. How professional!

Most recently, a Gastroenterology doctor told me (a 41 year old chef at the time) I couldn't receive any surgery because of my weight, but suggested I start using a "smaller spoon" As a reaction to this utterly insulting advice I now identify as "Big Spoon" when asked for my preferred pronouns.

I have (I think understandably) developed a phobia about going to the doctor. I don't trust that they actually care about my health. When you are pre-emptively assessed based on assumptions and internal prejudices, not medical FACT by supposed professionals, what hope is there to actually get reasonable care?

Doctors are humans too, and they grow up programmed by the same societal messages as everyone else. We are more likely to die from treatable illnesses because of this.

And let's face it. The main reason behind the current societal bias is because we're considered less fuckable and attractive than our thin counterparts. Therefore we're automatically assumed to be worth less (WORTHLESS) by a fair amount of society. We're told we're a plague on society costing it money it can barely afford. What a fucking joke. We're all going to die. Don't you forget that. You're not immortal because aeroplane seats are more comfortable for you.

FAT = UGLY

Fat is still a synonym for ugly for most people in this era. "Oh you're not fat" "Don't call yourself fat, you're not ugly".

I am fat, I don't consider myself ugly anymore, and it's extremely dismissive of the diversity of beauty to suggest that fat automatically makes you unattractive. I wish that would fucking end. Fat is a descriptive word. I use it because "overweight" annoys the hell out of me. OVER WHAT WEIGHT? and obese is too medicalised. Fat is neutral in my opinion. I'm not afraid of describing myself as I am. I've taken ownership of the word that was used against me as a slur. I took back control.

WHAT ABOUT YOUR HEALTH?!!!

Let's look at something the oppressive thins don't want to hear. Let's do this:

Researchers tracked the survival rate of an ethnically diverse group of around 500,000 US adults and found that those having a BMI between 25 and 29.9 - classified as "overweight" - were associated with a 5 to 7% lower risk of death, within the study, than those within the "healthy" range.

They don't like that inconvenient fact in my experience. Here's another one:

The brain is made of 60% fat. Dieting (especially yo-yo, fad diets and extreme low fat diets) causes cognitive strain and neuro-toxicity, and can affect cognitive ability.

I have been abused for simply existing as a big fat bitch on so many occasions, it's impossible not to absorb the message that you are genuinely worth less. It took 35 years of living before I started to even question the message that I needed to feel ashamed of myself.

Before you shout "WHAT ABOUT YOUR HEALTH?!" at me. Why do I have to be "healthy" to be worthy of respect? WHY? What is that about? If you bully and berate others for their size, I think the truth is, it makes you feel better to make others feel shit. It's because you're a cunt. I think it's as simple as that.

My health and my lifestyle are my business. Respect should be given to everyone regardless of their external size or appearance. Didn't you learn that as a child? No? It's probably that low fat diet making you a thick bully. Bullies have always existed, I'd just prefer for them not to be my doctor.

You have no idea what another human has experienced or what causes them to have a bigger belly. One thing I do know is that fat shaming doesn't work.

Shame is proven to make you less likely to exercise, and shame makes you live a smaller life. It's a complete waste of time. Your time. You never deserved to be made to feel shame for being larger.

"Health" is different for everyone. Please check out "Health at Every Size" if you are struggling with the notion of not being good enough. Health at Every Size (HAES) is a lifestyle that encourages healthy eating and enjoyable physical activity as a way to feel better and live fuller. Unlike other programs, it does not believe weight loss through dieting is the way to become healthy.

Now that it's being proven that DNA and genetics play a larger part in your propensity to be fat than diet, will things change? I hope so. It's never been about greed for most fat people. It is just what it is. Irrespective of spoon size, some of us are just gonna be fatter than others.

Just like Lenny.

Just like Lenny, I can be neutral about my need to eat. It's not good or bad, it's just food. Losing the shame has made me more active, and I no longer feel the need to hide. My obsession has disappeared.

I hope Lenny helps you too. If not, that's okay. Just know, that you are beautiful and worthy regardless of what the scales read. Please give yourself the grace and love that you would extend to an animal, it's the least you deserve.

All the best, The Minotaur (also known as Em)

God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female (and all the inbetweens) he created them